Private Matters



II belong to first generation of Germans who never suffered misery or war damages of wars in their live. At beginning of the famous West German economical boom I was born in 1955.

During the economical maintenance was sercured in an acceptabel kind - the world for children was not so. My view of live was influenced by the coming up movement of 1968.

Joachim Kossmann

The reasons why people decide to want to get own children or not, are different like people themselves.

I knew that I will never get own children by myself at the age of seven years. Rge main reason was surely a lot of  negative experiences at the behaviour of other children during my early childhood. I was tortured by them and respected them to be cruel little monsters - more worse than grown up people. I never wanted to to waste my energy to educate such cruel little monsters. Besides them the realtion to my father was not good at all. But this was neither a fault of my father than from me. Indeed my father was a respected man who took care about his family and worked industry, but my father was an awkward pedagogue and we didn´t harmonized. The term "father" was always being adapted in a negative way for me. I by myself never wanted to become a father. In order to prevent this, I was ready to kill the stork, if it would bring me a child one day...

And now I ´ve been growing up fo a long time and today I respect children by another position. I like to play with the chiildren of my friends, when I visit them. But nevertheless I cannot think always to live together with children. Besides them I don´t regard marriage and family as a possible form of livestyle for me and I ´m living continent, and so my deccission against own children will remain finally.But I think I will do possible children of mine afavour, because I wouldn´t be a good father for them.




Naughty children were were arrested in the dark cellar in the catholic kindergarten St. Marien at Veilchenweg 55 in D 44651 Herne / Wanne - Eickel (West Germany).

Such practise were quite normal at that times.




The adjecent catholic grade schoo at the Herzogstrasse continued this behaviour. Corporal punishment was in use, school divine services and the way to church on sunday was obligatory.

Grandma Auguste (born in 1903) wanted to get a child because she wanted to be married and live in economical fortune in order she was not fond of working. Besides them she couldn´t like children. "If you are not fond of working, you will have to marry or you will have to say you are ill", once she told me. That´s the wisom of an old lady.

Mother Ilse (born in 1925) wanted to get a lot of children. She was educated by the spirit of Naziism and wanted to emigrate to the "New German Eastern Territories" (Ukraine, Baltic, former Sowjetunion) and manage a big farm there after the final victory. But the Nazi Reich disappeared, but our mother wanted a lot of children however, just during the bad times after the Second World War. The country was destroyed, people suffered hunger, the economical future was uncertain and - most worst! - a few years later the fear of an atomic war rose up. The situation for living for children was not good at that times. Mother told me, when she was a young girl she had thougt she could become pregnant, if she would kiss a man. (But mother was an intelligent women neverteheless!) In the year of 1946 remedies for contraception were allowed in the British Zone of the occupied German Reich. But mother´s children were wanted. Perhaps mother did it in spite of the bad situation, because she didn´t want to surrender.Eine Nachbarin (Jahrgang 1953) wollte Kinder, um sich als Mutter zu profilieren, um sich von allen bewundern, bemitleiden und hoffieren zu lassen. Kinder sind auch ein Stück positiver Selbstverwirklichung, aber auch destruktiver Egoismus.

Another women (born in 1951) wanted to get children because all friends and kollegues had also got children. That was a decission by principal reasons.

I have asked a lot of people because of their deccission for or against own children. Therefore I noticed that members of the elder generation (born till about 1940) reacted about my question in a very surprised way. It´would be quite normal to get children and to marry and they had never thougt about alternatives. Similar answers I could get from foreign citizens. But the members of the later German generations answerde in another way. The deccission for or against children is regulary made in a very serious way and nobody wants to be dictated by accident. You can surely critizice that the live can be to much planned and reglementated. But this would be the better solution in the sence of children.


Children were born or were not born by egoistical reasons whowever you ´ve decided. Only religious and political ultras - perhaps also lazybons who are not fond of working - have got other reasons,

But egoism is not bad principially under the condition that nobody will be damaged. And so my private deccission against children is egoistic too. But I wold haver never been a good father for my possible children and hadn´t done them a favour. Besides them the society should be grateful to me that I ´ve respect my resonsibilty to decline the overpopulation of our country. Egoism is surely positive in my case.

Joachim Kossmann